i think i love change...i think i could move anywhere and get by...i think i could start something i feel is important and finish it because change is good and moving and finishing things those are change to me....change of pace, change of style, change of motives, change of life.
yet the normally things, i fell should never move. or i guess a better way of saying that is the Dallas things should never move. I come home and my house is different, my mom is different, my sister is different. I don't get it. I don't get the change. Dallas is suppose to stay untouched, unaltered by time.
I can change, i can grow, i can move...but Dallas is not suppose to be different. It is suppose to be how i left it. A TV in my room, a empty spot for my car, a bed that is unslept in because i am gone. and instead i fine, an empty space in my room where movies where once watched, i fine a car filling the third spot in our garage, I find my room taken over my a girl in high school.
It is not that i am not OK with these changes, it is that in my world these changes did not occur, these new things where not there, in my world, Dallas is unchanged by time. Dallas is home and home is not suppose to be altered by the fact that i left it a year and half a ago.
i thought i loved change but here i am unable to see the light in all this change.
home is not the same, but neither and I
i guess there is some hope in that somewhere.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
WE just finshed a series called "Beautiful Mess" here is the writing I wrote - it was turned into a movie!
What happens when you fall and the person next to you does not. When your walking with someone and they stop walking with you or the path you thought was before you radically changes views in no time at all.
We all have these moments in life where we look before us and the view is so peaceful and beautiful we forget to breath, because the thought of loosing it is to great. Instead we take a chance and look back to see where we came from and then when we turn back around the view is nothing like we remember.
The garden where peace and love flowed is now a forest of mud and fallen trees. The hope that once filled our minds is now replaced with the mess that is before us.
For me this came in college, a friend that I thought the world of, a friend that knew me so well, a friend I would have called a best friend...decided to stop walking, decided to turn around. The view I had planned in front of me, the breath I was deciding to take was thrown from my body and in front of me was nothing but a mess.
I think that is all a part of life...looking back and seeing the mess that in now beautiful with time. See four years ago I was turmoil, I was in mud up to knees and everyone around knew more then I did. The people around me saw the picture with color and all I saw was this gray world with no point.
Messy, ugly, and lifeless...my world lie in front of me and I saw nothing of value.
Four years ago I could not stand here and tell you the beauty lie in the fact that this boy was the first to find value in me, this man was the first to give cridit to these gifts I possess, and this man of God was the first to say run because God is by you...run
I think through life we all have messes we can look back on and see beauty. I dont think my dad would consider the drive home he was partaking in when the phone rang with news that my mom had cancer a good drive. I dont think my mom would consider the weeks she spent away from me, a freshmen in high school and my sister a four month old newly adopted baby, good picute because of the radiation in her body kept her from us, I dont think my grandma would think back and view the hours spent in the waiting room wondering if her daughter had cancer a painting worth repainting.
Yet looking back at this unglyness, I see my dad and a group of men meeting at McDolalds to talk about grace and love when nothing seems to have hope, I see my mother who is now working on a cancer floor of a hospital and is allowed the joy to show love and mercy to people and families going through the same thing she did...the same thing we did.
Beautiful! This year of my families life, was a beautful mess and God shown through in every aspect of it all. Looking for the sunlight behind the trees, the flowers blooming in the mud...the mess of a year was worth the aching pain of picking up one foot up at time. Praying for strenght to see tomorrow and a hope that worth and life is found in Christ and not test results.
My parents taught me then that life is lived in these moments, these time when nothing makes sense...Christ does.
In collage this rang through. That boy, remember him, my parents knew what was to come, and allowed me to walk in the forest because they knew that the life I was called to would be shown to me through this mess. They knew that they would have to pick me up and hold me later but that I need this forest of broken tress to teach me about myself, to mold my steps and to set me on the path I'm on now.
As I stand now years after falling and the boy standing, I see that we were brought together for my heart to find this place I call home. I would not be the girl I am now with out his words of perservance. I would not be the women I am now without the faith he provided in my strength, whether he knows he did or not, and I would not be this women of God living in the northwest persueing Chirst through helping with a church plant had he not allowed my desire to over shadow his at times.
Messy, grows, thick and unable to see through...at times...Colorful, radiant, and remarkable...YES...a beautful mess some might call it.
We all have these moments in life where we look before us and the view is so peaceful and beautiful we forget to breath, because the thought of loosing it is to great. Instead we take a chance and look back to see where we came from and then when we turn back around the view is nothing like we remember.
The garden where peace and love flowed is now a forest of mud and fallen trees. The hope that once filled our minds is now replaced with the mess that is before us.
For me this came in college, a friend that I thought the world of, a friend that knew me so well, a friend I would have called a best friend...decided to stop walking, decided to turn around. The view I had planned in front of me, the breath I was deciding to take was thrown from my body and in front of me was nothing but a mess.
I think that is all a part of life...looking back and seeing the mess that in now beautiful with time. See four years ago I was turmoil, I was in mud up to knees and everyone around knew more then I did. The people around me saw the picture with color and all I saw was this gray world with no point.
Messy, ugly, and lifeless...my world lie in front of me and I saw nothing of value.
Four years ago I could not stand here and tell you the beauty lie in the fact that this boy was the first to find value in me, this man was the first to give cridit to these gifts I possess, and this man of God was the first to say run because God is by you...run
I think through life we all have messes we can look back on and see beauty. I dont think my dad would consider the drive home he was partaking in when the phone rang with news that my mom had cancer a good drive. I dont think my mom would consider the weeks she spent away from me, a freshmen in high school and my sister a four month old newly adopted baby, good picute because of the radiation in her body kept her from us, I dont think my grandma would think back and view the hours spent in the waiting room wondering if her daughter had cancer a painting worth repainting.
Yet looking back at this unglyness, I see my dad and a group of men meeting at McDolalds to talk about grace and love when nothing seems to have hope, I see my mother who is now working on a cancer floor of a hospital and is allowed the joy to show love and mercy to people and families going through the same thing she did...the same thing we did.
Beautiful! This year of my families life, was a beautful mess and God shown through in every aspect of it all. Looking for the sunlight behind the trees, the flowers blooming in the mud...the mess of a year was worth the aching pain of picking up one foot up at time. Praying for strenght to see tomorrow and a hope that worth and life is found in Christ and not test results.
My parents taught me then that life is lived in these moments, these time when nothing makes sense...Christ does.
In collage this rang through. That boy, remember him, my parents knew what was to come, and allowed me to walk in the forest because they knew that the life I was called to would be shown to me through this mess. They knew that they would have to pick me up and hold me later but that I need this forest of broken tress to teach me about myself, to mold my steps and to set me on the path I'm on now.
As I stand now years after falling and the boy standing, I see that we were brought together for my heart to find this place I call home. I would not be the girl I am now with out his words of perservance. I would not be the women I am now without the faith he provided in my strength, whether he knows he did or not, and I would not be this women of God living in the northwest persueing Chirst through helping with a church plant had he not allowed my desire to over shadow his at times.
Messy, grows, thick and unable to see through...at times...Colorful, radiant, and remarkable...YES...a beautful mess some might call it.
Long time no writing
Sorry, my computer charger died...sad i know, but now i am up and going...so here i go, i be posting soon like tomorrow!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Oh Yeah I'm a CLIFF Jumper! are you?
There are 3 things I know to be true in this world…
1. Tell me I can not and I will
2. Tell me No and most times I will work until it is a Yes
3. Tell me you wish I would but you know I will not…and I will
Notice a trend here…I WILL…
So here’s the deal. My friends (Jacob, Jordan and Drew) all said I could not, all said I would not and all said they wished I would but that I would not. Little did they know that was all it took to get me to do…
Yeah that’s right I jumped off a 30 foot cliff into water! TWICE! I know, I know, scary, I could have gotten hurt and not to mention that at times I am very accident prone and this had accident written all over it. But do not worry I did not hurt myself unless you consider this…
(So i forgot to upload the pick...just trust me it is BAD)
Hurt…but it is ok, the burse on my butt and thigh is about 10x worse, I mean I can only sit for about 25 min and then times up and need to stand. To be honest I brought a pillow to staff meeting and sat on it. Four hours was to long on those hard chairs!
So incase you were wondering the burse came from the second time I jumped. The first was no big, I enjoyed the jump. I did it really fast, I shook my arms, watched my friends jump and then went for it. Step, step and jump! Into the air I flew and then kept flying and kept flying…Until I thought man I’m falling, and then BANG into the water I went! I enjoyed it greatly. I mean the thrill was cool but the look on my friends faces was worth it all!! Jacob’s face was GREAT!
Time number two came..This is the time I jumped for myself! The first jump was not a choice it was a have to, the first jump had no preconceived ideas about it….FREE FALLING was all I knew was about to happen. Jump two on the other hand was for myself, to prove to me that I could jump whenever I wanted. Time number two had ideas that went with it, jump number two had thoughts running through my head of the thrill of falling and scariness of jumping off a rock.
So I went for the jump, climbed to the top of the rock and stood there for about 20 min. I allowed others to go and waited in line numerous times trying to psych myself up for jumped number TWO! AHHH is all I have to say…Jump 2 hurt!!! For those watching it hurt and more importantly for me it hurt!
So here I am I now unable to sit for prolong periods of time but more importantly I am a cliff jumper…if anyone asks! I WILL, I CAN, and I DID!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Failure at blogging lately
AHH! I fail at blogging during year two so here are the highlights and some fun stories from along the way!
So I went from a life of...
To a life of...
HAHA, working in the rain the last week was a great way to kick off the "hard" life i am living now. Drinking coffee ALOT and being on campus as much as possible!
(The pick is of me, my roommate, and Jacob (the new intern)!
Life has been crazy, since returning I am back to the daily life of hanging out with people and living life in the mists of doing alot of work!
I love it!
Lets get you caught up.
I went to New Mexico, to get caught up with all the staff and to just spend a week with the Lord at Collage week!!
I moved into my AWESOME apartment, it only took me about two weeks and to be honest, i just got the rest of my stuff out of my old house, so right now there is a trunk full of stuff in my car! but here is my room. This pic is old but you get the gist of it. Now there is no boxes, and it is more clean and orderly.... I know hard to believe but i do keep my room clean otherwise i get really stressed and seeing how i am stressed enough i dont need my room to stress me out!
So I had a birthday!! Love that day!
My friends through me a party, my good friend ab-e came and chalked our whole front sidewalk...It is still there in front of my door!!
Freshmen village has started!! We have a solid group. We are going cliff jumping tomorrow. Jacob does not think i will jump, so we made a bet..2 bagels from the bagel shop! I have this in the bag...he does not even know it! This picture is from a scavenger hunt we went on.
I went to the WSU Standford football game. It was huge, WSU lost but the experience was great. I mean sfa had football but this was a different level. They do the gator hand motion, which is weird because well they are not gators, and on every first down the say "Cougar FIRST DOWN" and point the arm in the direction they are moving!
We also had to say good bye to a good friend of mine and my friends, VITA! she went to my roommates international village and loved hanging out with us! she was a good friend! hope she is having fun back home!!!!
SO, last year I worked with a guy named Drew and now i work with a guy name Jacob. This is him..Please don't judge him, i promise he is cool and really fun to work with! The girl is Jane, another new intern...from TEXAS!
Otherwise, now i am writing a proposal for a girls night, for all the sorority girls! I should know in about 2 weeks if we got the clearance to go through with it!pray it all works out, this could be a great thing on these two campus.
Moscow service doubled in size from last year, in these first two weeks. Please pray for more leaders to step up and lead. WE need more village leaders, right now me and jacob are leading two villages and it is very taxing on us both. So pray for strength to get through the weeks and words to say!
WE are only having one service on Sunday. I am really excited about the new sermon series we are starting and i think it will be good for the whole church!
I miss you all..unless you are reading this and live in Washington then i'll see ya soon!
So I went from a life of...
To a life of...
HAHA, working in the rain the last week was a great way to kick off the "hard" life i am living now. Drinking coffee ALOT and being on campus as much as possible!
(The pick is of me, my roommate, and Jacob (the new intern)!
Life has been crazy, since returning I am back to the daily life of hanging out with people and living life in the mists of doing alot of work!
I love it!
Lets get you caught up.
I went to New Mexico, to get caught up with all the staff and to just spend a week with the Lord at Collage week!!
I moved into my AWESOME apartment, it only took me about two weeks and to be honest, i just got the rest of my stuff out of my old house, so right now there is a trunk full of stuff in my car! but here is my room. This pic is old but you get the gist of it. Now there is no boxes, and it is more clean and orderly.... I know hard to believe but i do keep my room clean otherwise i get really stressed and seeing how i am stressed enough i dont need my room to stress me out!
So I had a birthday!! Love that day!
My friends through me a party, my good friend ab-e came and chalked our whole front sidewalk...It is still there in front of my door!!
Freshmen village has started!! We have a solid group. We are going cliff jumping tomorrow. Jacob does not think i will jump, so we made a bet..2 bagels from the bagel shop! I have this in the bag...he does not even know it! This picture is from a scavenger hunt we went on.
I went to the WSU Standford football game. It was huge, WSU lost but the experience was great. I mean sfa had football but this was a different level. They do the gator hand motion, which is weird because well they are not gators, and on every first down the say "Cougar FIRST DOWN" and point the arm in the direction they are moving!
We also had to say good bye to a good friend of mine and my friends, VITA! she went to my roommates international village and loved hanging out with us! she was a good friend! hope she is having fun back home!!!!
SO, last year I worked with a guy named Drew and now i work with a guy name Jacob. This is him..Please don't judge him, i promise he is cool and really fun to work with! The girl is Jane, another new intern...from TEXAS!
Otherwise, now i am writing a proposal for a girls night, for all the sorority girls! I should know in about 2 weeks if we got the clearance to go through with it!pray it all works out, this could be a great thing on these two campus.
Moscow service doubled in size from last year, in these first two weeks. Please pray for more leaders to step up and lead. WE need more village leaders, right now me and jacob are leading two villages and it is very taxing on us both. So pray for strength to get through the weeks and words to say!
WE are only having one service on Sunday. I am really excited about the new sermon series we are starting and i think it will be good for the whole church!
I miss you all..unless you are reading this and live in Washington then i'll see ya soon!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
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