forgiving in world where forgiveness is a lost art

Last night I sat in church and heard a sermon on forgiveness.

Nothing new, Nothing old, pure truth.

As a kid I was taught to say sorry not when I thought I was wrong but when what I did hurt others. So at times I was saying sorry but understanding the what that was behind the words I spoke.

As a youth I sat and listened to girls hurt each other with their words and actions and it never even cross their mind that they could be hurting those near them.

As a college student I lived in a world where hurt was a definition of life for a while. Where forgiveness was not a word i spoke or heard but excuses where all around.

Since then I have walk a path where forgiving allows me to see that life is easier when you forgive and move on. Life works better, freedom is found and hope for a better life is closer then one might think.

Forgiveness is seeing what has happened, naming it and letting it go. A choice is made.

Last night i heard the words "you have to know what you are forgiving them for."

This changed my outlook last night. Putting a face to the thing or person you are forgiving allows for the forgiveness to actually happen.

Sometimes i get it, sometimes people are up front, and they are honest with how i hurt then and then sorry and forgive me actually mean what they are suppose to.

Sometimes i miss it and people hurt me and i act like i am tough enough to make it through the night, through the week without help and with out them saying that they are sorry.

Then time passes and i go on in life, i act whole and healed and I act like my life is all together.

Then I hear those words, "you have to know what you are forgiving them of"

I forgave the person, I think we could be friends again, I think we could talk and hang out.

I forgave the person but not the act.

I live a life of guardedness, not because i did not forgive the person, but because i did not forgive the act.

I live a life arms length apart. I live a life of don't hurt me and I won't hurt you. I live a life of get this close but not that close. I live a life of we can be friends but not.

The act needs to be forgiven.

So last night, I forgave the act. I forgave the what. I took note of what had happened and I forgave.